Loss of an Unborn Baby
Miscarriage & stillborn babies
More than 1 in 6 pregnancies diagnosed with trisomy 18 or trisomy 13 end in miscarriage or are stillborn.
The experience of miscarriage or of having a baby who is stillborn is different for everyone. What the loss of your baby means to you will be shaped by the person you and and your own circumstances. It may be that others around who have no experience of this find it difficult to understand how you feel.
* The Miscarriage Association produces a range of information leaflets about pregnancy loss. Topics include talking to children about miscarriage, men and miscarriage, and management of miscarriage.
* Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, also produces a range of leaflets and a parents' support pack. These can be downloaded from their website and cover topics including support for fathers, supporting other children, and saying goodbye to your baby.
Baby loss after termination for abnormality
This is relatively new and not well understood by those without personal experience. Parents are sometimes expected to get on with life and the loss is not acknowledged. Those around you, and even you yourself, may expect to feel better when the termination is over, but this is often not so and the weeks and months afterwards can be a time of great anger, guilt, sadness and even depression.
At whatever the stage of the termination, there is likely to be a great sense of loss and many parents describe a feeling of emptiness. There is no right way to grieve and no time limit for grief. We are all different and family and friends need to respect the way parents handle their grief in whatever way they wish. Bereavement begins as soon as a parent realises the baby has a serious problem, the dreams of a perfect child are shattered, and the future seems unsure. Some may view a termination of pregnancy as a solution and may not acknowledge your need to grieve at all. Only you knew your baby, others will not mourn in the same way, as they have no memories of their own.