Elliot Antony Leonard Markham
After years of trying and various cycles of failed fertility treatment behind us we discovered that I was pregnant. This came as a complete surprise as we had been told that falling pregnant without assistance was unlikely. In 16 years of trying I have fallen pregnant three times. In 2002 I gave birth to our wonderful son Louis. In 2009 I had a miscarriage and on 8 June 2012 I gave birth to Elliot. This is Elliot’s story.
There were a few hiccups early on. The results from our nuchal scan indicated my hormone levels were extremely low, as a result we had an additional scan, and were then told not to worry. I went into urinary retention at 15 weeks and ended up having a catheter for three weeks.
The 20 week scan arrived and there was our baby, kicking and wriggling around. We were told there was some fluid in the baby’s abdomen so a second opinion was required. This confirmed initial concerns and we were referred to Addenbrooks for further tests.
The first scan with the cardiologist revealed a structural cardiac disease. Our baby had a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect) and an interrupted Aortic Arch. At this point we were given three options: terminate, surgery at birth, or compassionate care. However, other indicators suggested a chromosome problem and if this was the case surgery would not be an option.
The second scan revealed further issues, which indicated our baby may have trisomy 18, something we knew nothing about. The consultant was surprised this had not been investigated further after the 12 week results, which indicated our baby had a 1:150 risk of trisomy.
When we got home we researched trisomy 18 which was when we found the SOFT UK website. The website was excellent, it made me realise there was a chance that our baby could be born alive and gave us some hope.
Full trisomy 18 was confirmed following an amniocentesis. We were contacted by the Specialist midwife about what decision to make regarding continuing the pregnancy. We were totally devastated, we had no idea. We met with our consultant to discuss our options, who we felt saw little point in continuing with the pregnancy as our baby wasn’t going to live. If our baby did live its life expectancy would be extremely short due to the cardiac problems and the most likely outcome was for our baby to die in uterine.
Although we considered all options available, I think we always knew we would do whatever we could to hold our baby alive. When we heard we were having a boy I felt devastated. I had read that boys had less chance of making it to term. Having already chosen names we now knew that the little person causing trouble was Elliot Antony Leonard Markham. Giving Elliot his name and calling him by it helped us to bond with him more and our relationship with him to grow. We managed to pick ourselves up and carry on. I was determined to enjoy and make the most of every moment of my pregnancy because each one was precious with my baby son.
I tried to make sense of things and had a strong sense that God had a purpose for Elliot. Louis’ asked Robin our vicar, “Would Elliot have a special job in heaven?” He said yes which gave Louis some comfort. I felt my purpose was to bring Elliot into this life safely, so that he could move onto the next. That belief got me through those dark days.
Our scan at 32 weeks revealed that Elliot was breech. We got to see him in 3D and could really see the similarities with Louis around his nose and mouth.
Elliot remained breech as we approached due date. I had three ECVs (External cephalic version) before he decided to stay put! Scans indicated Elliot’s left kidney and bladder were not working properly. I worried whether we had made the right decision. A decision not made lightly nor for selfish gain. What if Elliot was in pain? But, Elliot was a fighter and we had come this far, further than we had dared dream possible.
We organised ourselves for the birth, bringing him home, and his funeral. I wrote a birth plan. We made our wish list for Elliot:
1. To be born alive and Louis to meet him alive.
2. To have him baptised.
3. To bring him home and for the family to sleep in one room.
4. To take him to church.
5. To take him to collect Louis from school.
We met the team from the Children’s Hospice and learnt of the amazing services they could offer. It was a relief to know, irrespective of the length of his life, we would be able to spend some time with him as a family.
We were booked for induction on Elliot’s due date of 6 June 2012. We arrived at 8.30am. It was surreal, at last it was happening, we were excited that our baby was going to be born. Finally we were going to meet this little person, who had already made a big impression on a lot of people. However, it was also scary as we knew he wasn’t going to be with us for long, if at all.
The 8th of June 2012 arrived. We were still laughing and joking and trying to enjoy every moment of the pregnancy and birth. By 5.30 I had made progress and was 2-3cm dilated and the consultant broke my waters. After that everything happened very quickly. Elliot was born at 6.15pm and cried immediately. My first words were “He’s alive! He’s alive!” I couldn’t believe it.
He was truly amazing. He was so tiny, yet so perfect. His eyes were open and he looked as though he was staring right at me. I’d never seen a newborn baby so bright eyed and alert. At 15 minutes old he was baptised. We had completed 1 and 2 on our wish list, and were all on a high.
Elliot weighed 3lb and 14oz and was 47cm long. Louis was a very proud big brother, and did a fantastic job of taking lots of photos and filming. We knew Elliot wasn’t likely to suckle but I put him to my breast anyway and he licked, his natural instincts were there.
At 10.00pm we were discharged. I couldn’t believe we had done it and Elliot was actually coming home. We sung Happy Birthday to Elliot and Louis went to bed in our room on his make shift bed. Melvyn and I took turns to hold Elliot through the night. We could tick off number 3.
It seemed from the moment Elliot was born he wanted to take in as much about us as we about him. He even seemed to smile at us. He didn’t need medication and seemed to be happy and content.
Sadly, at 11.20am on 9 June 2012 Elliot took his last breath, in his Daddy’s arms.
Later that day we went to the hospice, Louis held Elliot in the car and placed him carefully in his cot when we arrived.
That evening I was able to bath Elliot. I was being given the opportunity to care for him as a mother should.
Over the next few days the hospice helped us to make lots of keepsakes to remind us of Elliot.
Although we miss Elliot more with each passing day we believe Elliot was given to us for a reason. He was an amazing little man who has strengthened our faith and given us the courage to keep going.
Elliot had a character and a personality inside the womb and out, he was stubborn, determined and a little fighter.
Although Elliot is no longer with us physically he will always be a huge part of our family.
Our story has a happy ending as our Miracle Rainbow Baby Scarlett arrived on 30th October 2013, she has brought with her great joy but also a host of mixed emotions as we experience all those special moments we will never have with Elliot.